Daily Howler

Just to keep our morale up during the current “lock down” we thought we would introduce this page.

Contributions always welcome through pewsnews4u@gmail.com

Saturday 4 April

Clever kitties, regulation 6 paws apart!
Well, what else can he do after stockpiling?

Friday 3 April

Beam me up, Scottie!

Thursday 2 April

Dictionary definition of this “F” word: Used to emphasise what one is saying, especially when one is angry or annoyed about something. Pretty royal stuff then.

A modern version of the kids’ joke:
Q: Why is it so easy for Superman to jump higher than tall buildings?
A: Because buildings can’t jump

Wednesday 1 April

nuff sned
Sniff. Cummings, did you write this?

Tuesday 31 March

Thank goodness the squirrel did not bark back, it just meowed!
Mmm, pushing your luck there?

Monday 30 March

What goes around, comes around….
Not all the works of art are in a museum. I am, for instance, at home in hibernation (previously known as quarantine).

Sunday 29 March

Dear God, could you please remove and reinstall 2020? It has got a virus!
Change of plans for the Easter holiday…

Saturday 28 March

What is going on?? Why are all the humans wearing muzzles?
(unlike those woofers above….)

Friday 27 March

There’s a year missing in your CV. What did you do in 2020?

I was washing my hands.

Please think of the young people in quarantine too!

My Homeworking Timetable:

  • F am: Social science: Get up
  • 9am: Home economics: Learn how to make a cup of tea.
  • 10am: Engineering: How to operate the Hoover, dishwasher and washing machine.
  • 11am: PE: Carry out garbage to rubbish and recycling bins (bit of additional Geography here as need to find out where they are).
  • 1pm: Chemistry: How to bleach and disinfect the bathroom and toilet.
  • 2pm: Orienteering: Get out of bedroom
    (this could be stressful) to find out where the wash basket is
  • 3pm: Geography (again): Lesson as to where the items normally strewn on my bedroom floor actually live so that I can get effortlessly to the wash basket next time .
  • 3:30 pm: Horticulture: Chop vegetables (could also be First Aid lesson).
  • 4:30 pm: Science practical: learn how hot water and Fairy Liquid remove grease from pans.
  • 5:00 pm: Mathematics: How long has this all taken?
  • 5:01 pm: Detention: Go to my room with IPad and be quiet!

With acknowledgement to the original posted on US Facebook

Thursday 26 March

Too right! Beery sorry.
We will understand the importance of hairdressers once we get out of this quarantine…..

Wednesday 25 March

Not beery funny?

Heard some advice on the radio last night, it said in order to have inner peace, we should always finish those things we start, and we all could use more calm in our lives.

I looked through my house to find things that I’d started and hadn’t finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Whiskey, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner peas.

An telum u luvum.

And two al bee hapee wilst in de lok-upp or ish zat down?

Tuesday 24 March

Humphh, girls, what do you think?. He looks no different than before?

Pied de deux? Mona, s’il vous plaît, show some decorum!

Monday 23 March

Got a knitter, crocheteer, sewist in the house? This could be what it will look like after this is all over!

Sunday 22 March

How can we ever forget this year?!
What else?

Saturday 21 March

Says it all!
Note: No American Express!

Friday 20 March

Been there……
Did you see that pooch picture yesterday? Ridiculous. Some dogs just don’t have style, unlike us….

Thursday 19 March

These humans just don’t get it. Or maybe they do. Woof.
I’ll swap a tray of Mercadona chicken for an Audi A3. Serious offers only…

Wednesday 18 March

OK, we get the message, one funny a day is not enough, so today we offer two!

Do you want to spend the quarantine with me?

Tuesday 17 March

Yep, it has already gone viral!

Monday 16 March 2020

As a follow up to yesterday’s post!

Sunday 15 March 2020

A scurrilous parishioner says this is M.’s holy of holies. UPDATE. That should read a VERY scurrilous parishioner…